1. Stu woke up and found himself to be feeling remarkably gross, and not very well rested at all, not that he wasn’t grateful for the opportunity to meet the Lord, Tony Danza.
2. But he also felt hope, for he had previously scheduled an appointment to see a man about an apartment.
3. So Stu got out of bed, and he did go unto the washroom, where he took a standing dump unto the abyss of the Toilet of Uncertain Sanitary Standards.
4. And lo, there was a mighty splash.
5. And the mighty splash was followed by a good deal of wiping of ass, and much washing of hands, for Stu was a big believer in personal cleanliness and a huge fan of finger food.
6. And there was much scratching of heads by people reading this and wondering why they were needlessly being exposed to these kinds of details.
7. And Stu considered having a shower, but he chose not to enter the Stall of Cleansing, for he did not wish to disturb the delicate eco-system that had developed on the shower curtain, and in the tub itself.
8. So Stu gathered up his stuff and put it unto his car, and he got his freshly wiped ass out of there as quickly as he could.
9. And lo, the drive to the apartment building was uneventful, but also was it necessary to mention for the purpose of explaining how Stu got from one place to the other.
10. And when Stu got to the apartment building, he did park his crappy car in the street, and he did make his way unto the building in general, and unto apartment 307 in particular.
11. And Stu knocked unto the door.
12. And moments later the door did open itself up to reveal the landlord guy, who said unto Stu that his name was Phil.
13. And Stu said unto Phil, “Hi Phil.”
14. And Phil said unto Stu, “Hi.”
15. And Stu did then enter the apartment, and he noticed immediately that the apartment was without furniture, or curtains, or any feeling of personal touches.
16. And furthermore, Stu noticed that even though it was well past the time of the rising of the sun, the apartment was engulfed in a great darkness because all the curtains were shut.
17. And Stu thought unto himself that this was odd.
18. So Stu raised his arms up unto the air, and said unto no one in particular, “Let there be light.” But there was no light.
19. And Phil looked unto Stu in such a way as to indicate that he thought that Stu might be a little bit off, and he said unto him, “Try the light switch.”
20. And lo, Stu tried the light switch.
21. And this time, there was light. And Stu said unto Phil, “That’s more like it.”
22. And so it was that Stu saw the light, that it was good.
23. And so it was also that he saw the apartment, and that it was somewhat of a shit-hole.
24. Stu then turned the lights off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on one last time, after which he turned unto Phil and said, “Well, no problems there, not counting the fact that this place is somewhat of a shit-hole.”
25. And Stu then looked unto the floor, and he saw that a thick layer of dust covered it. And he saw that in and amongst the dust there were raisins.
26. And Stu turned to Phil, and he did say unto him, “Why is the place so dusty? And why in God’s name, which, by the way, appears to be Tony Danza, are there raisins on the floor?”
27. And Phil looked unto Stu, and he shrugged his shoulders, and he said unto him, “How the fuck should I know?”
28. And Stu suggested unto Phil that as he was the landlord, and that as he had promised to have the place cleaned, the reason for it being unclean was probably the kind of thing that he should at least have some sort of a fucking clue about.
29. But Phil said unto Stu that the place had in fact been cleaned, and that the only real problem was that Stu obviously had unrealistically high standards when it came to the cleanliness of apartments.
30. And for a moment, Stu considered punching Phil in the ear so as to indicate that he was intolerant of bullshit, but rather he did simply choose to pick up one of the raisins, so as to indicate that floors that had recently been cleaned tended not to be covered with raisins.
31. But Stu dropped the raisin just as quickly as he had picked it up, for upon closer inspection he realized that the thing he held was not a raisin at all, but rather that which had been eaten, digested, and excreted by a rat.
32. And looking around the apartment, Stu became disgusted, for it looked to him as though there were at least two scoops of raisins that were not raisins.
33. Then, in need of cleansing, Stu walked to the sink, where he commanded the water to flow from the faucet.
34. And lo, the water flowed purely and mightily, for Stu had not so much commanded the water to flow as he had actually just turned the tap on.
35. Thus, Stu achieved a thorough washing and rinsing of the hand that had touched the raisin that was not a raisin.
36. Unhappy, but out of time, Stu then turned to unto Phil and said, “We’ll take this up again next chapter.”
37. And Phil asked unto Stu when the next chapter would come along.
38. And Stu replied unto Phil that it would be about a week, unless this chapter had already been archived, in which case it could happen any moment now.
