|
February 17th to February 23rd, 2006 |
|
2/16/2006 7:09:39 PM |
 |
Aries |
|
March 21 - April 19 |
|
You still can’t understand why the government won’t fund the nine billion dollar particle accelerator you need in order see what happens when anti-neutrinos collide with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. |
|
 |
Taurus |
|
April 20 - May 20 |
|
You will achieve legend status in the world of competitive eating by consuming an entire horse in a minute and forty two seconds. |
|
 |
Gemini |
|
May 21 - June 21 |
|
You dream of the day when you can demonstrate the awesome power of your solar powered energy weapon by using it to destroy the sun. After that, who will dare try to stop you? |
|
 |
Cancer |
|
June 22 - July 22 |
|
Try not to shoot your 78 year old friend in the face this week. That's just common sense. |
|
 |
Leo |
|
July 23 - August 22 |
|
You'd enjoy construction work a lot more without that daily steel-toed boot suppository from your foreman. Or would you? |
|
 |
Virgo |
|
August 23 - September 22 |
|
You continue to confuse the end of the world with minor disruptions to your high-speed internet service. |
|
 |
Libra |
|
September 23 - November 21 |
|
You’ve got tacos on the brain this week. Literally. Be prepared to sue your neurosurgeon. |
|
 |
Scorpio |
|
October 23 - November 21 |
|
Changes are afoot at work this week. It could be a promotion, it could be a new office, or it could be that your manager finally discovers that you've turned the fifth floor supply closet into a highly profitable opium den. |
|
 |
Sagittarius |
|
November 22 - December 21 |
|
You love to travel. It might be because of the freedom of the open road, it might be because of the feeling of infinite possibilities at each new place you visit, or it could be because of the three dozen bounty hunters chasing you across the country. |
|
 |
Capricorn |
|
December 22 - January 19 |
|
You would be so much happier if only you could stop snorting powdered whale tranquilizers in between trips to the emergency room. |
|
 |
Aquarius |
|
January 20 - February 18 |
|
You will be greatly relieved when friends point out that most of your insecurities are simply based on a good, hard, honest look at yourself. |
|
 |
Pisces |
|
February 19 - March 20 |
|
It’s not so much that you’ve been biting your toe nails, it’s that you had to give yourself a compound fracture of the femur to do it. |
|
|
