A cow got an invitation from his friend, the pig, to come to a barbecue. When the cow showed up, the pig was already sitting down and enjoying a gin and tonic.
“Where were you?” asked the pig.
“I didn’t know I was late,” replied the cow.
“No problem,” said the pig. “After all, it isn’t every day I get invited to a barbecue.”
“What do you mean?” asked the cow.
“I mean it isn’t every day I get invited to a barbecue,” replied the pig, without really clarifying his position, at least as far as the cow could tell.
“But you invited me,” said the cow, who was very confused.
“What are you talking about?” asked the pig.
“I got an invitation from you to come to a barbecue today,” replied the cow, who was really starting to wonder what was going on.
“Wait a minute,” said the pig. Didn’t you invite me to a barbecue today?”
But before the cow could answer, a farmer jumped out from behind a nearby barn and pointed a shotgun at the two would be barbecue guests.
“Hold it right there, dinner!” said the farmer.
“Oh no!” cried the cow. “What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know about you,” said the pig, “but I’m going to have steak for dinner.”
And with that, the farmer shot the cow, who died looking very confused, surprised, and betrayed.
The pig then looked at the farmer and, starting to laugh, said, “Oh man, I thought I was going to lose it there for a second.”
The pig and the farmer then had a good chuckle and high-fived each other, after which the farmer butchered the cow and started up the barbecue while the pig enjoyed several more gin and tonics.
Twenty minutes later, the pig and the farmer found themselves eating two very overcooked steaks, which likely would have been a little tough anyway, as the cow was heavily into exercise and wasn’t very well marbled.
“These steaks suck,” said the pig.
“Yes they do,” agreed the farmer. “I’m just not a very good cook.”
“You know it’s too bad we killed the cow,” said the pig, “because she could really cook a steak, you know? And besides, I already kind of miss her.”
“Me too,” said the farmer. “And it’s not like I couldn’t have just gone to the supermarket and picked up a few steaks instead of going through this whole elaborate ruse.”
“Oh well,” said the pig, shrugging his shoulders and downing the last of his eighth gin and tonic.
“Oh well indeed,” agreed the farmer, who then finished his steak, wrapped up the rest of the cow in saran wrap, and put it in the freezer so they could enjoy the rest of the steaks at a later date.
MORALS: (1) If you’re going to have a barbecue, don’t kill the only person who knows how to cook a steak properly. (2) Never trust a pig that drinks gin and tonics. (3) If you’re not going to eat the whole cow at one sitting, for God’s sake wrap it up and get it in the freezer so you can enjoy it at a later date.
